Al and Ray, two legends who turned a road trip into a cross-continental nap marathon: These two road warriors turned a 28-day adventure into a masterclass on how to almost see the continent… and then pass out like they ran a triathlon uphill in denim. They are the only guys who thought a "quick drive" through the U.S. and Canada meant reenacting The Fast and the Furiously Exhausted.
They clocked 179 hours behind the wheel—basically enough time to drive to the moon if there were road signs and a few Walmart’s on the way. That’s not a road trip, that’s auto-punishment. I’m convinced the only thing that kept them going was gas station beef jerky and sheer stubbornness.
They hit 209 tourist stops, which is amazing considering they clearly stopped using their legs after the 5th one. By mile 8,943, their GPS just gave up and said, “You know what? Good luck, fellas.” That is basically enough to lap North America and still somehow miss the turn for common sense. That’s not sightseeing—that’s stopaholism. If there was a plaque, a giant ball of yarn, or a gift shop shaped like a boot, Al and Ray were there, taking blurry selfies and asking where the bathroom was.
After this trip, these two are in such a deep sleep, scientists are trying to classify them as new geological formations. Al’s snoring registered a 3.2 on the Richter scale, while Ray’s drool trail is being considered for a new river on Google Maps. They’re passed out like two retired hamsters after running the biggest wheel of their lives. Al’s sleeping so hard his Fitbit thinks he’s dead. Ray? He’s in REM so deep he’s solving traffic patterns in his dreams.
After all that driving, it’s only fair they rest…for a week…or forever. Let’s be honest—those beds haven’t just been slept in; they’ve been conquered.
They said it was a journey of a lifetime and judging by how hard they’re sleeping; it might have been their last one.
The Entire Trip
Ray and Al to Vancouver
Al - British Columbia and Home
